Transgender: Transition Success Series

Question: How can you tell if the person you are dating is transgender?

(Posted by: lezbiandoglover on 2010-03-05 14:30:54)

I am a gay woman and have been dating someone for a couple weeks, who I strongly suspect may be a m2f transgender. She hasn't offered this information, but we are becomeing more intimate and I need to know. Whatever the answer is, it won't change how I feel about her, I really just need to know. Any suggestions? How can I approach or should I approach this? She did get wet while we making out, can a m2f get wet? HELP! I should add that we are becoming more intimate and that is why I feel that I need to know. Thanks for al your answers....let me ask another question, I noticed that a couple transgenered people answered, what would you want someone to do? I can understand that this is a very difficult thing to bring up, and understand why she hasn't. But I do think I need to ask in order to continue this relationship, how would you want someone to ask that question?

Posted by: Koryn on 2010-03-06, 19:51:17

The only way to know is ask her. But that is her private medical history and she might not want you to know. You said . . . "She hasn't offered this information, but we are becomeing more intimate and I need to know. Whatever the answer is, it won't change how I feel about her, I really just need to know " Well if that statement is true then you don't really need to know. I personally would not want you to ask me this question at all. If I wanted for you to know I would tell you.

Posted by: Fae on 2010-03-05, 14:33:05

I don't know the answer to your last question, but really you should just ask her if you want to know. How the heck could people on the internet help with that? Only she knows.

Posted by: Peter on 2010-03-05, 14:35:32

Check the jaw shape and larynx - adjusting those is dangerous and very expensive so most crossovers dont have them cut back.

Posted by: Diane on 2010-03-05, 14:41:08

Despite what many people believe, there are no definitive physical signs or 'giveaways'. If you really believe you NEED to know, the only way to find out is to ASK her. But bear in mind that (a) most people (whether they are or not) will be offended by such a question, and (b) if SHE thought you needed to know, she would have told you already. And, Yes. trans women CAN 'get wet'[sic], although (in the absence of Bartholin's and Cowper's glands) the amount of lubrication is generally much less than that of a cis woman.

Posted by: snodgrassdouglas on 2010-03-05, 14:42:42

You could just talk to her about it. They can still get wet. The vagina still produces its own lubrication when penetrated or aroused. There might be scares on her. Ask her if you can see. Most of all let her know it is ok with you before you talk about it, because if you don't she might just deny it and get defensive. In worry that you won't like her anymore. Or you could ask her friends. But her friends most likely tell her you asked about it.

Posted by: Platinum Lightning In the Sky on 2010-03-05, 14:44:23

Easy adam's apple and no monthly periods.

Posted by: . on 2010-03-05, 14:51:23

Transsexual women don't produce any lubrication in their vagina if they have had lower surgery done. So if she says she "got wet " then shes either lying or isn't a transsexual woman. Why do you think she is transsexual? More details would be useful. And to answer your question, there isn't anyway to know whether someone is a transsexual unless they tell you they are.

Posted by: Erica - in the pipe, 5 x 5 on 2010-03-05, 15:43:48

Wow, the ignorance in these answers is astounding. Take it from actual transwomen (like Diane) that there is no definitive way to know if a woman was born transsexual or not. Some transsexual women experience a small amount of lubrication, but there are also a small number who have a small piece of their sigmoid colon used to create the neo-vagina in cases where there is insufficient tissue available. These women have abundant lubrication. Jaw shape means NOTHING (look at Sigourny Weaver) Adam's Apple means NOTHING (I never had a prominent larynx) and people get them shaved anyway. It may unnerve people to hear this, but unless a transwoman wants to tell, you have no way to prove anything - which is how it should be. Our private medical histories are OUR private medical histories.

Posted by: Clones Don't Have 60k Pts on 2010-03-06, 03:50:55

It shouldn't matter. IF she was born transsexual (brain-body mismatch): She has always been female. She had a birth condition and she fixed it. End of story. .

Posted by: Paula Jenel on 2010-03-06, 21:14:11

I will answer just the second part. You say it does not matter if she was transsexual but it obviously does or you would not ask here . So put yourself in her position. Another person ask you a very personal question that is none of there business. Are you offended? Most likely. What do you think she will be? Offended.

Posted by: Kristine on 2010-03-06, 23:42:32

@ . ?? Don’t get wet? Wow.. I better check my partners leg, etc.. to make sure that there isn't some hidden lubrication or that I’m not bleeding.. FYI the majority of trans-women who’ve had surgery within the last decade self lubricate. Otherwise, like others have said if you feel that you need to know, ask.. but also at the same time prepare yourself for the worst outcome.. As to monthly cycles, even if a transwoman doesn’t flush her system, she still cycles and will more than likely either sync with yours or throw yours off causing you to sync with hers.. also post-menopause women don’t “bleed� as was phrased.